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Brenda Thompson Brown - Tremere
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Brenda: Calling it Quits
“It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...”
Idina Menzel as ‘Elphaba’ from the musical ‘Wicked’: “For Good”
It had been almost two months since my father had finally succumbed to the cancer that he had fearlessly fought for so many years. Sometimes I still felt the loss of his presence as if it had happened only yesterday but I was sure those days would fade with time. He had been sick for such a long and even though he had been in back home in Nevada, I knew that he had always been only a phone call away whenever I wanted to talk to him. Those calls couldn’t happen any longer.
There were a lot of things that couldn’t happen any longer. In fact, if felt like the last six months of my life had become one rollercoaster ride after another of life altering situations. First it had been my sister Christina’s disappearance just as Rafe and I had returned from our honeymoon last September. She had resurfaced in Detroit later that night with no memories of her life and not eager to return home with us. Jason and I traveled there as soon as we knew where she was and while dealing with a woman who no longer trusted us, Michael Moorecock, my ex-domitor and former lover, flew in to help as well.
On one hand I had been thankful for his presence. Michael was a take charge kind of person who was a natural leader and a real asset to us. On the other hand, however, him being there caused a renewed hostility between Rafe and I. Rafe was still very jealous of my past relationship with Michael and I knew if my husband were to have his way Michael and I would never see each other again.
The worst part of the entire ordeal happened when Rafe, along with Christina’s two ghouls, had been captured by a group of Sabbat who tortured the three men, leaving Rafe badly hurt. When we had finally found them Rafe had thick spikes through his wrists and a Tzimise had used his Kindred ability that allowed him to manipulate flesh to elongate his pinkie finger, all that for absolutely no reason other than the fact that they could do it.
After our return to Salem then came the turmoil of trying to figure out where this twist of events left us as a family, especially Jason who now found himself fighting what seemed like a loosing battle for his wife. Everything there came to a head after he found out that Christina was now sleeping with Scott Murphy, one of Gangrel’s in the pack she was staying with in Detroit. After that Jason became a totally different person and has since moved to Los Angeles to be with his old friend and Prince of the city, Talon Graves. Jason told me that he could no longer live in the house where he had so many happy memories with Christina and I understood all too well how he felt. The house was very silent and lonely with only Rafe and me there now.
Hoping to remedy the situation, many of us Tremere in Salem took up the challenge of trying to find a ritual that would return my sister’s memories, Victoria Monroe and Cormac Brennan among them. Our research led us to Europe where we were when I got the call that my father had taken a turn for the worse. I was sorry to go, but I had to leave Victoria and Cormac to return to the States. Sadly Cormac died just over a week before my father. I wasn’t close to the man, but I knew the Clan would be forever changed without his input.
That reminded me… I needed to call Christina… no, Tina. I had to return Tina’s call. Victoria had gone to Detroit to tell my sister of Cormac’s death and must have also told Tina about my father’s health because my sire Antonio had taken a call from Tina a few days after the funeral when I had been too immersed in misery. After my return to Salem Victoria had informed me that Tina wasn’t interested in returning to the Tremere and didn’t want to participate in another ritual that might return her memories.
That was why I needed to call her. Now that I once again had my wits about me I needed to have a rational conversation with Tina about her decision.
Without much remorse Tina began the conversation by explaining how she felt that if she got her memory back she wouldn’t feel comfortable no matter where she lived. She worried how she would feel after everything that had happened that she wouldn’t be able to walk back into Christina Kline’s life, and that she didn’t want to lose the relationships she was building in Detroit.
“But you’re willing to give up what you had,” I said, finally speaking for the first time about the situation.
“That’s obvious by the way you cast Jason aside.”
“I made a choice, Brenda, one I know that I’ll have to live with.” She paused briefly before adding, “If I did get my memory back, don’t you think I’d hate myself for breaking off with him?”
I couldn’t believe how blasé she was being about the whole thing, like her feelings were the only ones that mattered. “You mean for kicking someone while they’re down,” I replied, an edge to my voice.
“I must have learned that from you,” she came back just as hotly.
“Then I guess I taught you well. Don’t you see, he has no natural defenses to deal with what’s going on between the two of you?” I pleaded, hoping she would see reason. “You loved him. I don’t care what you say now about Scott. You loved Jason. Down somewhere you still do.”
Tina sighed on the other end of the line. “That may be, but love doesn’t always make it work.”
“I know that better than anybody,” I replied, knowing that even though she no longer remembered all the details of my relationship with Michael she was at least aware of the highlights. “But at least I let the sheets get cold before I brought in someone new.”
There was no reply for at about ten seconds and I wondered if she had hung up. “Not that I have to say this, but when I slept with Scott I didn’t remember Jason. The sheets were brand fucking new. I’m not going to walk away from someone who doesn’t care what my name is for someone who wants me to be someone I’m not.”
“Jason was willing to try,” I urged her. “We’ve all played by your rules and in the end we all lost anyhow. You’ve decided not to try.”
“I would think that if I wasn’t trying I wouldn’t be on the phone with you right now.”
“When was the last time you talked on the phone to Jason? I can deal with having you the way you are but I’m not your husband. I can build new memories with you, but what about him?”
“Calling Jason would only hurt him,” Tina replied after quickly clearing her throat. “I think I’ve already hurt him enough.”
She wasn’t getting it. She just wasn’t getting it and frankly my patience was wearing thing. “I guess that makes two of us,” I said, not caring about being nice any more.
Tina sighed again and I was reminded how she looked when she was stressed. “Look I didn’t call to argue with you I just… felt you deserved to know where I stand.”
“Fair enough, but I think you deserve to know that our clan is one to not just let their members walk away.”
“I know. They’ve been following me for weeks. I guess I’ll have to deal with that when the time comes.” She sounded tired now, like she’d been running for a long time and had few options left. That could very well be her position as well. The Clan Tremere didn’t give up without a fight.
“I won’t be able to help,” I sighed after a moment.
There was another silence before Tina replied, “I know.”
Tears threatened in the backs of my eyes and I coughed slightly to get rid of them. “I have to go. There’s something I have to do for Elvira.”
“Alright,” she answered. “Take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
I hung up the phone, knowing beyond all else that my relationship with my sister was forever changed, maybe lost altogether. If she was so willing to let Jason exit her life without a fight then what could be said for the rest of us who meant so much less to her? I resigned myself to now thinking of the situation as a lost cause. I could no longer expend energy on someone who so obviously didn’t wish to be a part of my life. I would miss my sister badly… the person she used to be was now gone for good.
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